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Sunday, June 29th, 2003
2:43 am - Trying to use song lyrics to describe feelings... so cliche. and with good reason.
I'm going away. I promise to return someday. If I don't, I promise to remember you. And we'll share a drink-- so that we can remember -- the way things were when friends were here together.

so with that i'm driving a spike in this journal's heart. i have a new one and odds are youre on my friends list if youre worth it. a few people i just choose not to keep for various reasons. you might just be collateral damage and i'll friend you if you like, but you have to catch me first.

so as i stop posting on ~woolypilot (just finished my 500th post too... what a shame...) i'll ask the question that's been on everyone's mind. too bad no one reads mine anymore.

tell me... what do you think of me? right now! be honest. i'm curious. constructive, fatally brutal honesty.

current mood: blah

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Saturday, June 28th, 2003
3:43 pm - i don't know why i should post this. if anyone i know shows up i'll probably be mad.
The Siderunners will be playing for free on July 4th 2003. It will be an outdoor party and the Siderunners will be playing on the roof. Details will follow soon.

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2:06 am
Congratulations, Erik!
Your IQ score is 140
Erik, you are a Visionary Philosopher.
This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways.

whatever. its a fucking IQ test and in psych i learned that they are none too good at figuing out just how "intelligent" you really are. especially one thats only a few dozen questions.

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Friday, June 27th, 2003
2:49 am
i got a new picture care of my buddy imran. he's musilim, you know. whatever. i did stuff today. which was a nice change. at home my mom made me tacos or burritos or something. it was in between. i think a lot of it was just leftovers she threw in. sushi rice and stuff. but they were good. then lisa came by and predictably had a nice conversation with my mum before i even realized she was there. while i'm on the topic of the old bag i just remembered she picked me up the sweetest bike ever from some garage sale i think today. i can't describe it. well, if you know adam and his bike i can. its like that but better. not the best in terms of work compared to my other bike, but heavenly comfortable. i might start riding it instead of driving everywhere. i know i'll take it out before bed tonight.
so lisa and i went out. i stopped at baseball fields and we watched old men play baby 16-inch softball. it was a little bit of a tearjerker to see these people attempt so poorly such a watered down sport, but i was entertained enough to be bummed when lisa started complaining and made me leave. i don't know what happened from there, but sometime after that things got dark out and we were outside dennys. i sent lisa in to drop off shaina's coat, which she had apparently tried to claim for herself at some point earlier in the night. lisa wore it in while i sat in the car. the we went and waited for laura to get off work for the longest 10 minutes of my life. 40/10 of ten minutes! i almost died from boredom. almost... well, i did. then we went, caught family guy on cartoon network. got stuck in slow highway traffic, which i normally don't fall for. but i guess tonight was special. that made us miss some family guy. then the girls dyed my hair. i darkened my eyebrows, risking blindness. laura wants to put something called mascara on me. lisa went home and laura sat alone watching more family guy while i showered my dye out. laura and i went to imran's where we met denny and his two friends. yeah, i know i got it backwards. imran was playing with some electronic gadget that could make paintings of the things you aimed it at. probably some heathen witchcraft afoot. i feel a little jealous but i can rest easy knowing that he will pay when the rapture beings. he sent me a picture and told me to replace my creepy default lj pic. so i will. now i'm repeating myself so i best take that bike ride and get ready for bed.

current mood: theres something in my throat!

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Thursday, June 26th, 2003
7:00 pm
today i went to guitar center and bought a thumbpick for banjo. i'm gonna try to learn myself it this summer, just for kicks. and then some. i'm getting a new, secret lj soon so i can leave my world behind. and the name "woolypilot." that was sOO 7th grade...

[x]Name: erik david stockmeier. or davey mclure, once i get my band together.
[x]Birthdate: 2-10-84
[x]Birthplace: evanston, i think
[x]Current Location: cry... elk grove...
[x]Eye Color: blue
[x]Hair Color: black with increasingly distracting blonde roots
[x]Height: 5'10"
[x]Righty or Lefty: Right
[x]Zodiac Sign: aquarius!

[x]Your heritage: german, irish mostly.
[x]The shoes you wore today: my shitty rebok running shoes. my others are caked in mud.
[x]Your weakness: pick A weakness? is this for girls or something? i assume the correct answer is something along the lines of chocolate
[x]Your fears: nothing in particular. not on my outside anyways. i guess not having control of things.
[x]Your perfect pizza: no cheese... mushrooms... pineapple maybe... more mushrooms... garlic... red bell pepper if i'm in the mood.
[x]Goal you'd like to achieve: enjoy life with a minimal amount of what i'd call work. well, the goal is to not work at all. and score with hot girls ev-a-ry day while smashing capitalism. but mostly the first one.

[x]Your most overused phrase on AIM: "so... what are you thinking?" thats only if i talk to someone interesting enough to compensate for me, though.
[x]Your thoughts first waking up: dammit. damn dammit shit.
[x]Your best physical feature: damned if i know. my penis has gotten rave reviews from some but i don't have any real positive or negative feelings about anything on me.
[x]Your bedtime: i'm a fucking grown-up... i mean adult. i don't have a bedtime.
[x]Your most missed memory: being a 5-year-old who's biggest problems in life were getting that nerf blastamatic for christmas.

[x]Pepsi or Coke: neither. i hate cola. with a gun to my head, pepsi
[x]McDonald's or Burger King: they both have their good points... but auschwitz was my favorit.
[x]Single or group dates: depends on the people
[x]Adidas or Nike: who cares? the answer is obviously adidias.
[x]Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton i guess. i like lips.
[x]Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
[x]Cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino if i'm stuffed with money. coffee every other day.

[x]smoke: ...no
[x]Cuss: yes, to often
[x]Sing: yeah
[x]Take a shower everyday: whenever possible
[x]Have a crush(es): eh, some
[x]Do you think you've been in love: yes...
[x]Want to go to college: no
[x]Like high school: hated it, especially once i got out
[x]Want to get married: i don't know. i don't want to wind up an old maid.
[x]Believe in yourself: what the fuck is that? who else am i going to believe in? god? HA HA HA
[x]Get motion sickness: only at carnivals or on the road to hana
[x]Think you're attractive: it doesn't matter what i think
[x]Think you're a health freak: sort of. i have my vices but i aspire to be a health freak
[x]Get along with your parents: 50%
[x]Like thunderstorms: depends on my mood
[x]Play an instrument: more than one. too many, nowadays.

LAYER SIX: ( In the past month... )
[x]Drank alcohol: nope!
[x]Smoked: yes
[x]Done a drug: technically yes. not an illegal one
[x]Had Sex: what an embarrassing question... this is a family journal
[x]Made Out: yes
[x]]Gone on a date: i haven't called something a date in 13 years
[x]Gone to the mall?: sadly. yes
[x]Eaten an entire box of Oreos: heavens no
[x]Eaten sushi: yes
[x]Been on stage: i don't think so
[x]Been dumped: no
[x]Gone skating: yes
[x]Made homemade cookies: no
[x]Gone skinny dipping: no
[x]Dyed your hair: no
[x]Stolen anything: i'm alive aren't i? punk rawk 4-eva

LAYER SEVEN: ( Ever.. )
[x]Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
[x]If so, was it mixed company: no
[x]Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
[x]Been caught "doing something": yes
[x]Been called a tease: not really
[x]Gotten beaten up: no one dares fuck with me
[x]Shoplifted: ..
[x]Changed who you were to fit in: when my friends were all being creeps i was a creep back. but that got old and i wanted to be myself again. just kidding! jackpot. no, i never conciously change who i am.

[x]Age you hope to be married: if i do? young enough to have kids and not be one of the old bastard parents. hip, you know. i guess before 30.
[x]Numbers and Names of Children: of the future? molly, dirk, danny, maggie... festive names of that sort.
[x]Describe your dream wedding: i haven't thought about it. outdoors? oh, with doves carrying my bride's dress in back, thats for sure.
[x]How do you want to die: in a very humourous or embarassing situation. auto-erotic asphyxiation or something of the like
[x]Where you want to go to college: not peoria. damned if i know.
[x]What do you want to be when you grow up: something i enjoy. i've been thinking about getting a nice chair and laying around. but that takes training. history, journalism, chef-ing, who knows.
[x]What country would you most like to visit: right now i'd like to see ireland. but i'm just in one of those moods.

LAYER NINE ( In a guy/girl.. )
[x]Best eye color?: for natural hair, brown
[x]Best hair color?: i guess brown would go with that
[x]Short or long hair: short. well, short for a girl.
[x]Height: no extremes. besides that... these are stupid questions
[x]Best weight: doesnt really matter. it probably does, but i tell myself it doesn't. my standards aren't that high. no offense, ex-hoes.
[x]Best articles of clothing: i'll have to think about that. the indie in me wants to say mittens but honestly mittens aren't very good at all.
[x]Best first date location: walking around. i do that a lot anyway though. whatever forces conversation.
[x]Best first kiss location: stairwells, churches, oceans... anywhere outside the back seat of a car really.

[x]Number of drugs taken illegally: 3 or 4... maybe 5.
[x]Number of people I could trust with my life: none as far as i know
[x]Number of CDs that I own: i got a couple
[x]Number of piercings: none...
[x]Number of tattoos: 2. 1 and a half since i never bothered finishing the second.
[x]Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a handful. under 10, thats for sure
[x]Number of scars on my body: i got scars
[x]Number of things in my past that I regret: zero

ahh... this looked a little better when i found it. oh well. i typed a whole survey with a thumbpick on. most of a survey. then i chewed it to make it mine. something fun better happen today. REALLY FUN.

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Monday, June 23rd, 2003
11:57 pm
man. the weekend sucked. i've come to the realization that the work week this summer is actually the better part of my week. i guess because i have low expectations. things have been lonely lately. goin to shows alone, drivin to dennys alone, workin in a dark corner of the office all alone. i mean, i guess its my choice to not turn on the lights. but still. i got big plans though. all i can say is that clayton is out and erik is pickin up the banjo. if youre half worth my time you know what that means. so lonely.

adding on later...

OH MY FUCKING GOD! IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN FILTER OUT THE HEARTS? JESUS CHRIST. between <...3's and all the scene/cool points i'm glad i missed the last year. at least in peoria there was nothing. a step up in my opinion.

i'm sick of things falling apart. the only plans i've made in the last 5 days that stuck were going to see hulk with my brother. which was okay, but a little too intelligent for me i guess because i didn't understand a lot of it. point is: youre all dead to me. tomorrow i'm moving to naperville, selling all i need to so i can buy a tenor banjo and finding some viaduct i can curl up in with a bottle of whiskey while i learn to play it and get that open spot in the tossers. speaking of which. today at work i closed my eyes because i was passing out and suddenly i was sitting in clockwork orange alex's living room. i was alex and his parents were explaining to me that they'd found a new son while i was in jail. i guess thats probably bad unless i'm jimmy, dreamin about being alex. nothing else happened today. i drove around alone a lot. fuck this town. and fuck all of you. if i die its your fault. as chris said... get fucked and die you piece(s) of shit. and me too.

i'm keeping track of my odometer this tank so i can figure out my mileage. thats the best thing i've got going for me right now. i would say work tomorrow, but sitting there for eight hours usually gets my hopes up that something good will happen later so even that sucks again. even more. i fucking cooked for a few hours today. just like yesterday. which was fine, but still. talking to the cutlery and coming out feeling like it was the first decent conversation of your day sucks.

current mood: angery.

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Saturday, June 21st, 2003
4:42 pm
i wrote a story about me and shaina from january to now. Read more...Collapse )i'm so hungry i could eat a fuckin tofu horse. oh, and tossers show tonight. i'm gonna give myself to the duggins boys and see where things go. unless i actually find someone to come with me. who knows. i sort of want to get naked today.

oh, ps. mayor johnson and his cronies, the local government employees of elk grove village... they're having their work pikanik across the street in my field. with bouncy castles and the tiny trailer house that has pretend fires for practicing fire saftey. i hate them all so much. so i'm gonna go pretend i'm the vice president of elk grove or something and get free food. after my tofu pony.

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10:28 am - i wrote this last night. wouldn't post.
i haven't written in a while. that doesn't mean i have much to say, though. i mean, i said a lot of words. but no substance. i'm a goddamned fool.

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man. its 4am and i hear birds chirping outside. its cold, but its summer. i should write a poem about it. i wish i could. or had the will to. instead i'm going to kill myself to sleep. a bit of work tomorrow. and going to the bathroom a few times. maybe a show. thats all my plans. if you think you've got what it takes to hang with a guy like me youre free to try and call me... but i'll have to be pretty selective. i smoked ddr today. did some moves and shit.

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Thursday, June 19th, 2003
1:02 am - if you say so
i feel bloated.
Magic Number10
JobLeader of the Free World
PersonalitySunshine And Blue Skies
TemperamentAs High As A Very High Kite
SexualWhatever, Whenever, Whoever
Likely To WinThe World Cup
Me - In A WordBelligerent
Brought to you by MemeJack

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Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
8:56 pm - sorry to post again...
but this just keeps getting better. reminds me of myself when i was younger, more naive.


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6:16 pm
7th heaven is on abc family. some friend of the old kid gave hime a joint and ran away at the beginning and the dog found it and brought it to the dad. the dad came home and the big kid was eating cookies, which was suspicious of course, the big girl's eyes were all red, and the littler big girl was burning incense and listening to reggae music. the loving parents had a talk about it and decided to have a frank discussion about drugs with each kid, hoping the "guilty party" will come forward. talking like lawyers about their kids. for shame. anyways, i'm on such a hot streak making fun of the show that i got the kitchen to myself, but i didn't turn it off. i don't see why my mom can't take a few jokes. i don't normally consider myself an extremely funny guy, but when i'm watching 7th heaven with my mom... man. i'm an extremely funny guy. the episode is all about drugs. my mom probably thinks i'm some kind of hilarious pothead now. but potheads aren't hilarious. i better get back. commercial break is probably over. i wish i'd have taped this.

current mood: exhausted

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8:10 am
i'm going in to work early today because i want to leave early. i'm so fucking tired. i hope something pans out of the afternoon/evening. if all else fails i can go to caf and watch 8-year-olds play softball. i'm tired.

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3:22 am
ooh. not doin too well. was, fell asleep, woke up. another day of work. nothing particularly promsing ahead of that. haven't spoken to someone in what feels like hours. well, hours. i meant what feels like days. i have a stupid worry in my head for a friend right now but for my own sake i won't vocalize it. and theirs. what a joke

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1:01 am

not much has happened lately. or has it? i'll talk my shit later. edit this post to be considerate.
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none of the great things i thought of to talk about earlier are in this post. sorry.

current mood: blank

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Saturday, June 14th, 2003
11:20 pm
i'm pretty proud of the fact that i've never used a < and a 3 to make a heart. i think those are pretty fucking stupid. most other people who use them i don't mind, but if i made one... i don't know.

i took a few people off my friends list because it was too cluttered and these were dudes i didn't know or hardly knew. that never talked to me anyways. not the type i think would be offended. i really just want a new journal i think. so i can start from scratch and have stealth.

i didn't do anything at all today. i left the house to watch my sister's soccer team take the championship, get hair dye, which i failed at, and hang out with paul a little bit at a party. mostly i just layed around. painted and read a little. oh, and i ate the prom. almost.

oh. and clubhouse records is close(d)(ing). that sucks. not that i really ever hardly went there. but the scene will kick me out if i don't complain about it at least a little bit. and that owner guy. he was all anti-record breakers with me. he fucked up cletus and i was like "right on, man" and we high-fived and porked. i'm gonna miss that old man.

current mood: bored

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12:59 pm
jessica's mother said hold on a minute when i callled her house and i thought maybe jessica was walking in the door. a minute later she comes back on and is like erik i'm sorry i gotta go call 911. then she starts talking about where i might find jessica and i'm like "no! no! i'll go! just call 911!" i think i was the one who hung up on her. this day better rock.

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3:02 am
what a shitty letdown of a friday night. you fucking bastards. all of you. i worked all week for my friday! and it sucked. i mean... school just got out. you assholes. why aren't you kids out partying? i would have been your designated driver for chrissakes. fuckin taxi cab confessions and whathaveyou. instead there were no parties, no hootenannies or box socials... except at corona's house, the old sit on the driveway and drink thing. with lots of people who i went to school with. not my best friends, but people i didn't exactly hate. and a few really cool guys. plus i found out that nick dennys' go-to-guy is actually just an old friend of mine, so i can cut the middle man out of that. or since paul lives like a block away i can cut myself out too. no more hooking up friends because they are too bashful to do it on their own. besides that... i don't know. i'm over shaina, which is nice, but i worry about her still... i wish i had a working stereo in my room. i've got hundreds of musical albums on my computer and i can't listen to a single one right now. which is a cock. i got hungry so i started eating and now i can't go to bed because i need to wait for my teeth to be clean enough to brush. it was cool to see old people from high school and not want to vomit. and they had changed. gotten more tolerable, less... whatever it was about them that made me keep away. apparently i'm the most interesting person in the world to them. maybe because i don't call them murderes for eating meat anymore. corona grabbed my ass like he hasn't done in a year. i missed that fat mexican hand. especially the thumb.

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Friday, June 13th, 2003
8:22 pm - fuck dialup
i started downloading rock lobster on wednesday night and it just finished. that might seem like a long time but the quality rating was "excellent" and its a 6-minute piece of work. i think i'll probably just burn it and have that be the only music in the car for the rest of the summer. if i get really creative i was thinking about putting claws on the car and shit. oh, i got a new lj picture up. it looks like me before i got dyed. i went to rotary fest after destroying dave at 21 today. i stayed just long enough to run into the adorable jessie lange and her friends, as well as the carnival's standard fare of inbred fodder from all counties near. i don't know how even the seediest of carnivals could these rednecks in from a town like elk grove. its like they just come out of the woodwork or something. needless to say i left and regretted drinking half of a coke. did you know i hate coke? 24 is really heating up. i already know the big surprise ending though because it was a big part of season 2. i was a little let down that they killed off mandy's girlfriend after only one kiss. because they were lesbian terrorists and i don't know... i'm sort of attracted to both.

i made my journal public again, but my friends's list is full of shit. i'll probably take a bunch of you off again. i dont even know half of ya creeps.

i have no plans for tonight. watch friends get wasted looks like a majority of it. oh, and i need to get gas. that should be sort of cool because i know a gas station with good prices. oh, and late late later tonight, like 48 hours from now is the tossers show. i'm pumped for that. i'm going to buy them alcohol. and seduce rebecca manthe. or anyone of them that i can, really.

i just realized that if i hurry i can probably catch some mad friday night ddr at gameworks. then i'll tank up on coffee and head out.

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Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
10:26 pm
man. it feels like friday. guess what? this journal is going friends-only. and then some. real filtering going on now. i would just get a new journal but i gave my last code away. if i get another code i'll probably start a new one because i hate the name woolypilot so much. sorry i've been so cybermelodramatic the past few months. never had to deal with anything like this alone before and i mistook the fuckin computer for a bar tender/cab driver. when i think back i annoy me, but too late. sorry bout that. bye.

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12:33 am
yeah, i drank the coffee. payed the price too. oh, this time there was blood. i'm starting to become worried about that. i always hold my stomach when i walk around the office. partly because i like feeling my abs after the whole hardly eating at all thing for the past few months. partly because i feel like my entrails are going to just spill out if they can find even the tiniest tear in my belly. went out to jaded thai for lunch today. got panang. i don't get people's dig with curry. maybe if i had it all the time i wouldn't like it, but as far as i'm concerned right now curry is a brother to me. i better get back to work. i'm getting nothing done and none of the prints are making sense to me, i want to fall asleep but if i drink coffee i'll probably lose it again and this time i've actually eaten so there is something at stake. i'm drinking pepsi. which i hate. tossers show sunday. maybe those pretty girls will be there again and i can dance with one of em. then lots more shows all through the second half of june. tossers again, leftover crack, rx bandits, rilo kiley... i don't know. i might be making some of these up. i don't feel good.

ddrmax and i aren't speaking right now. things really seemed to be going great, we were doing heavy mode together and making what felt like some real progess. i don't know if it was accidentally wiping out the system data on the memory card or that it found out i'd been staying out late evenings after work to use the pay machines that work better and have better songs. i guess i feel a little guilty; i mean, max should be all i need. but after months of the same thing, same soft pad, same american mix of songs... you just want change. something new. something exotic like Afronova or NoriNoriNori. if i could say one thing to it i'd say i'm sorry. i didn't mean for shit to go down this way, but its so easy to get used to the hard dance pad. max won't even let me pass healing vision anymore on standard mode, let alone get heavy on any shit with it. i've fucked up so hard. my brother's been spending a lot of time in the basement and a lot less time in the office on the internet. i think something might be going on between them but i'm afraid to even ask. even if we aren't talking, ddr's still mine. i could just forbid anyone else to play, but i don't want to be controlling.

current mood: gutted

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