: i cheat on shaina. we work through it. i get nervous about her being with joe. she calms me down. then spends the night curled up in joe's arms. then feels bad. we work through it. she kisses joes ear all sexy like and feels bad. we work through it. i get nervous. she calms me down. she does some real heavy petting with joe. feels bad. we work through it. i get nervous. she calms me down. more petting. feels bad. we work through it and rack up a hundred dollar bill on my phone in the process. she agrees to pay for half because its her fault. i get nervous. she calms me down. breaks up with me. we have sex for a few more weeks because of course we are just taking time off and will be back together eventually. i give her ddr stuff to pay back money i owe. she decides she actually wants to be with joe. i get real sad. pretty creepy too. feel sort of led on, a little used. i borrow ddr. 6 weeks later she hasn't talked to me like she promised she would if i gave her the time she wanted. something snaps and i feel a lot better. things start being happy a lot, probably to balance out all the sad. eventually i'll settle down to less extreme manic/depressive episodes like normal, but for now i'm high as a kite and she can't get me down. try as she might. et cetera et cetera frown. that part was a poem. she asks for ddr back. okay, i says. can i still have that money from the gigantic phone bill we were gonna split? i says. she gets mad, thinks i'm being bitter and petty i believe. becomes a giver-backer, forces me to keep ddr, wants to sort out money shit and whathaveyou all technical-like. trying to have a conversation anymore is pointless and i know she's had a rough go of it lately but i guess trying to be there for her, even as a friend is pointless because i was a little weird for a while. well, a lot weird. sucks. i'm so hungry i could eat a fuckin tofu horse. oh, and tossers show tonight. i'm gonna give myself to the duggins boys and see where things go. unless i actually find someone to come with me. who knows. i sort of want to get naked today.
oh, ps. mayor johnson and his cronies, the local government employees of elk grove village... they're having their work pikanik across the street in my field. with bouncy castles and the tiny trailer house that has pretend fires for practicing fire saftey. i hate them all so much. so i'm gonna go pretend i'm the vice president of elk grove or something and get free food. after my tofu pony.